"WHAT the hell am I doing!?" D:

Those words have been floating in my head for the past few days. I've heard it's common in almost every exchange student to feel this way just a few weeks before leaving, and I knew this would happen, but it's just starting to sink in that I'm actually leaving. It's not a dream anymore, it's not a fantasy, it's not just something I would love to do: it's something I'm about to do. It's called pre-homesickness. I haven't even left and I'm already thinking about how much I'm going to miss: my family, my friends, even this big, crowded, polluted and beautiful city I live in. I'll miss the weather, the language, the FOOD! Well, if I continue on how many things I'm going to miss, then this post would be neverending.

So the real question would be: Is it really worth it? I mean leaving EVERYTHING I know and care about to set off on an adventure that I don't really know how's it going to turn out, and that probably's going to change my person, character etc.? 90% of the times I've asked myself this question my answer had been YES. Yes, it's worth it because I'll learn a new language, get to know another culture, meet new people, and it'll help me mature and grow as a person.

Sometimes my answer's NO. And along with that answer comes a loooong list of fears. I fear my host-families not liking me. I fear not being able to adapt to my life in Germany. I fear being homesick and missing my family too much, since the longest I've ever been apart from them was only 1 week! I fear not learning the language quickly and failing at school. Which takes me to my biggest fear: SCHOOL. I've always been in the same school, since kindergarden! My classmates have been the same in the last 13 years. The same goes for my friends. I've been living in this little bubble for my whole life, and to be honest I couldn't wait to get out of it. But, at the same time I'm scared! I'm scared that I won't have any friends in Germany, at least in the first few months, because I SUCK at starting conversations. First day of school scares the hell out of me! D: I don't know what I'm going to do, who am I going to talk to, etc. I'm scared of leaving my comfort zone and going somewhere where nobody knows anything about me. But that's one of the reasons I decided to go on exchange, to actually open myself to people, become more social, etc.

So to everyone who's reading this and planning to go on exchange in future years: get ready to feel this way. It's common, but it's not pleasant.